Sunday, June 7, 2015
Comic Poems by Joan McNerney
Today, with the lovely weather, I'd like to post some of Joan McNerney's comic poems. The first is especially appropriate, given that this blog-zine is in the cloud.
Is this a new limbo?
If I place my poetry
in “The Cloud”, perhaps
it could never reach
Don’t you think
a few of my poems
Do you think any
will be condemned to
Can you help my poetry
through cyber space?
Do sad poems make
“The Cloud” cry and rain?
Do happy poems cause
“The Cloud” to burst with sun?
Do scary poems create
My understanding of
“The Cloud” is a bit cloudy.
O Awesome Muse Man
You of wondrous long hair
and haunting green eyes.
Why can’t you help me
with my household tasks
become my personal assistant
my housekeeper, my consort?
Shop cook handle my calendar
wipe dishes floors, type for me too.
O Muse marry me, gratifying all
my amorous needs. Especially my
sexual wants…fulfilling all my fantasies.
Be awesome. Take me to some posh
restaurants. Let’s do something flamboyant
after jetting to fine cultural activities.
Instantly google all my queries.
Don’t forget to publish me worldwide
in hardcover, paperback, electronically
after procuring excellent translators.
Find some adoring relatives, perhaps
plan an intergalactic extravaganza?
Avoid any strenuous breathing activities. Particles known as soot mixed with high ozone can be lethal. Speed limits strictly enforced by air surveillance and radar. Remember dead ends often lead nowhere.
This is a danger zone. Buckle up. Have a nice day.
To combat skin cancer, apply sun screen lotion generously to all exposed body parts. Wear a sun visor even on cloudy days. Have you tried prayer? Be prepared to stop.
This is not a safe zone. No passing. Did you have a nice day?
Certain food stuffs are deleterious. Due to nuclear preservation, fruits and vegetables rot from inside out. Because animals are forced fed, meat may have unnatural fat content. Many hamburgers and pickup trucks are recalled but few are chosen.
This is a danger zone. No passing out. What day is it?
At Justice For All Warehouse, divorces start at only $350. Considering suicide? Request prescription assistance if you have low income. Or, try prayer.
This is not a safe zone. No passing over. Stay to the right for breakdowns, pop a tranquilizer, and have a nice day.
When you feel faint or dizzy, drink water. Unfortunately much of our water supply has been contaminated by those multinational corporations we all love to hate. O well.
Have you tried prayer?
Have you tried breathing prayer?
Have you tried eating prayer?
Have you tried drinking prayer?
Remember stay to the right for breakdowns
And do have a nice day!
I'll finish up with some comic music for you.
Since the first version of "My Old Flame" that I knew of was Spike Jones', I didn't realize that it was a serious song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D2A32KUTq0
Here is his "Cocktails for Two": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYrv-kBUh3Y
Dizzy Gillespie performed his "Swing Low, Sweet Cadillac" on the Muppet Show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lK8Cp3azW-I
Given this anecdote by Milt Hinton, I feel like I shouldn't juxtapose Dizzy Gillespie and Cab Calloway.
But here goes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvkCEEj4I2s